rhinosplode

At Last: An Interview With Christina Abbott

The First Time I heard Christina Abbott, the Temperature of the Air was at least five hundred Degrees. It was a humid Day & my sister Sara and I had travell'd to the SoNo Arts Festival, a large summer Event in south-western Connecticut's newest Center for Pretention, Historic South Norwalk. Sara and I spent the after-noon wandering around from stage to stage, never totally satisfied with the Music being presented.

Eventually, we made our way to an obscure Corner of the Neighborhood, where there were Chairs in the Shade, so we sat down & wait'd for the Christina Abbott Band to take the stage. Sara had heard of them some-how and was curious, so I agreed to stay & not complain too much.

It became Evident that there was no-thing to complain about. Ms. Abbott and her Band (a Drummer, a guest Bassist/Singer, and the spoken-word Poet Annie Pifko) proceed'd to make me forget about all white-girl-with-guitar-and-fondness-for-coffee cliches. For about an hour, they bruis'd their way through a set of Songs that I can only describe as amp'd-up folk-rock with a serious affinity for classic and contemporary Soul. Christina (whose voice struck me as sounding like a Cross between Erykah Badu, Portishead's Beth Gibbons, & what-ever Jon Spencer would sound like if he weren't a guy) grinn'd, danc'd, grimac'd, & expos'd all her Strengths and Frailties like no-body was watching, but of course every-one was transfix'd.

The jam session was a success. A lot of People met the Singer after the Show, so Sara & I decided not to stick around & departed for our Home after she bought a Copy of Christina's CD Climbing Cathedrals. & I sort of put the whole Experience away on some mental Shelf for a while as I start'd to panic about starting a teaching Career without exactly knowing any-thing about what I was supposed to be teaching, &c.

This is the Truth: Christina Abbott has been singing since she was about three years old. When she was fifteen & in the midst of hating High School, she decid'd to start messing around with her dad's old acoustic Guitar and wrote a multitude of Songs, none of which were call'd "Gym Class Sucks". That same Year, she had her first Gig, opening for the gospel singer Morris Chapman. After High School, she embark'd on a serious rock-and-roll Tour of North America. In the Years since the tour, she has solidified her local Reputation as a formidable live Performer and open'd for such Luminaries as a guy from Dispatch & Debbie "Bitch, I'ma Kill You" Gibson.

A couple of Months after SoNo, I was present for a solo Christina Abbott Show at Shelton Day, which was remark-ably like the SoNo Arts Fest, except with fewer Hip-sters & more Mechanical Oliphaunts for kids to ride upon. Although she was in competition for attention from the World's Smallest Horse ("Triple Your Money Back If It's Not Alive!" &c.), she was more than able to hold her Own. & then after the show, I finally sack'd up and introduc'd Myself, & we decid'd that the next Step in her Program for world Domination would be a feature Piece on Rhinosplode.

So now it's a couple of Weeks after Shelton Day, and I'm in the midst of an almost two-hour Conversation with Christina at a Booth in Westport's Sherwood Diner. We've discuss'd some of her Ideas for special Events (Lard Parties), the tenacity of Amish hardcore Bands, how much I rock (pretty much), the embarrassing celebrity Version of "What's Going On" that only increas'd America's unease in the wake of 9/11, how much she rocks (a whole lot), & myriad other weighty Issues. One of us drinks Coffee while the other eats matzo-ball soup & tries his best not to geek out about sitting in a Booth with someone who, apart from being utterly charming, laughs at at least 25% of his weak Jokes.

But despite the splendid Music, the imminent Success, & the ability make it through a Meal with me without getting Water spill'd all over her, the most appealing Thing about Christina Abbott is her down-to-earth outlook on her life and her craft. "I believe in hard work," quoth she. "Sometimes I'm like, 'why aren't things happening?' but I think I'm already making it, and making it on my terms. There's a beauty to working hard for something and seeing the fruits of your labor slowly, instead of just getting everything handed to you. My definition of success is being able to do this full-time." Surely there is nothing that can beat a girl who has no Intention of being a tool of The Man.

When our little Inter-view ended & I expensed our Coffee, Soup, & Coke, we part'd in the Sherwood Diner's Parking Lot. I walk'd back to my car with a bit of a Spring in my Step--I had, after all, just spent some quality time with a warm, talented, and beautiful rising Star of my local music Scene. Not a terrible way to spend an Evening. & I found myself mouthing the words "good luck" to the retreating Taillights of her car as she took off toward I-95. If there is any luck or justice at all, Christina Abbott will continue to rock hard like a magic Kiss & make countless crowds roar like a Tidal Wave.

Relat'd links:
Christina Abbott official site
The Devil's Playground
SoNo Arts Celebration
Shelton Day

Wait! Advice
Love is a Connotative Battlefield
by Doug Elmer

O Master of Advice:

Been Trying to Figure This All Out Since Puberty

Dear Figuring,

First off, don’t feel bad. Women invented the “love” closing in order to take men’s minds away from world problems and lawn care. It’s confused some of the most brilliant men’s minds for centuries. Don’t despair, though, I’ve got the answer.

The bad news is that, except for some special circumstances, Brunhilda is not trying to secretly communicate her undying devotion to you. What are the special circumstances? Well, it’s usually a tip-off if the letter in question deals with her undying devotion to you. Or it’s an e-mail asking you on a date, or asking you to father her firstborn child. If you’re already dating Brunhilda, why then the “ love” is practically expected, isn’t it? But here’s the ringer…she probably does love you, but not in the way that you may be hoping. Women have many levels of love…platonic love, infatuation, nostalgic love of a past friend, romantic love, and familial love. Men have romantic love (“I love you!”) or material love (“I love this burrito!”) You, my friend, are not a burrito, so you must have thought this girl wanted you bad. She’s probably just telling you that she thinks you’re a good guy.

But therein lies the good news. If you love Brunhilda more than a chimichanga platter, then you’ve got a shot because she approves of you on some level. Please refer to my column from a few months bank on how to convince a girl to like you if you need help. While she may only love you like a buddy now, with a few stiff drinks and witty remarks (and perhaps a massive PR campaign), she could love you like Joanie loved Chachi.

Finally, as for a guy signing my book, it’s usually not a sign of homosexuality unless one or more of the following signs is present in the communiqué:

1. The guy also dots his I’s with hearts.
2. The guy tends to write everything in pastel gel-ink
3. The guy is writing to his boyfriend.

It may not have been the answer you were looking for, pal, but I hope it helps. And if things don’t work out, there are always burritos.

Good luck!

Love,
Doug

Need advice? Please send any of your questions to vze32f5i@verizon.net

Velocity Girl
The Black Cat, Washington, D.C.
September 28, 2002
by Doug Elmer

What happens to the pop music of your teen years after a recession, a terrorist attack, and the real world?

If you managed to cheer up after listening to grunge in the mid-90’s, you might have heard Velocity Girl their first time around. The released 3 LP’s from 1992 to 1996, got a single on the Clueless soundtrack and another single on a Volkswagen commercial. They were the best-known band from the 1990’s DC indie-pop scene, and were by all means a fun, smart band to listen to. Between the catchy guitar hooks, cute lyrics, and my intense crush on lead singer Sarah Shannon, I was pretty bummed out when they broke up a few weeks after I graduated from high school in 1996.

Velocity Girl got together earlier this year to play a benefit show for Bridget Cross, a veteran of both Velocity Girl (she was the first singer), and Unrest, another popular D.C. band. They must have enjoyed playing, because they got together for another show a few weeks ago at the Black Cat in D.C.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from the show. I’ll admit that I hadn’t listened much to Velocity Girl in the past few years. How had their music, and my perception of it, changed since the salad days of ’96, when Clinton was in the White House, the Dow Jones was in the stratosphere, and my college acceptance letter hung on a thumb tack in my bedroom. Sarah Shannon released a solo album last year that was brilliant, but nothing like the guitar pop of Velocity Girl. What happens to the pop music of your teen years after a recession, a terrorist attack, and the real world?

It turns out, not much. I’ll be honest, I had a few drinks, so I didn’t remember the exact set-list. Early in the show there were a few songs of the first Velocity Girl EP and Copacetic, which went over really well for a hometown show. Then the band dropped a pleasant surprise—a new song and the announcement that the band is recording again. The new song, along with several other new pieces, were a little more straight-forward than the older songs, less guitar distortion and more condensed bridges and solos. Still, they were pretty good.

The middle of the set was taken up with a mixture of singles from Simpatico ("Drug Girls", "I Can’t Stop Smiling") and Gilded Stars ("Finest Hour", "Same Old City"), and some new songs. They wrapped up with “Sorry Again” from the VW commercial and my favorite Velocity Girl song, “Pop Loser.” The band wrapped up with a really old song whose name escapes me, but the crowd had a lot of fun with it.

The show was fun, but their seemed to be a little bit of a melancholy shadow over the whole thing. I think part of it was that a lot of the crowd was in their early ‘30s, looking at their cell phones to make sure the babysitter didn’t call and remembering their lives ten years ago. Also, there seemed to be a bit of tension onstage as well. Archie Moore made a few snide remarks, Sarah (who still looks hot, but has been married for years) seemed a little annoyed by the end of the show, and the band looked as if they tricked her into playing the last song of the encore. Still, Sarah danced through most of the set, there was a fair amount of energy onstage through most of the show, and the band sounded tight for a group that had taken the past six years off except for one show. All in all, a good time was had by all.