rhinosplode

Wait! Advice
Getting Honey Where I'm Getting Money
by Doug Elmer

Dear Doug,

Sincerely,
Lawyer Lover

Dear Lover,

The good news is that your situation is not all that uncommon. After college, many of us find that, if we’re lucky enough to get a job these days, most of the social (and ultimately romantic) connections we make are with co-workers. That means that dating within the office isn’t frowned on the way it used to be during our parents’ entry-level years.

What’s the bad news then? Your boyfriend is either insecure about his work, his social class, or he’s just a friggin’ idiot. Realistically, if he was uncomfortable dating a co-worker, he should have ended your relationship long before the moving in together stage. But he didn’t, so now you have to figure out what to do. Do you think that your boyfriend would be as worried about dating another lawyer? Does it have anything to do with each of your relative standing on the employment food chain at the firm? If so, you really need to think twice about dating such an elitist asshole.

But maybe he’s not an elitist, maybe he’s just being paranoid, right? In that case, you might want to mention to your boyfriend that he’s making your relationship seem far more illicit than it really is by hiding it. Anyone who has worked with more than two other people knows all about the office rumor mill. You guys may not know it, but chances are some of your co-workers have guessed that you’re dating, and they probably felt it was their duty to tell everyone else. In my experience, no how many secret routes you take to work, or how many phone booths you have to hide in when a senior partner sees you at dinner, people joined at the heart and/or genitals give off a certain vibe that most people can pick up pretty easily. If the two of you are open about your relationship around the office (while of course maintaining proper etiquette-no nookie on the conference table), your boyfriend would probably be surprised at how accepting everyone is of the two of you dating.

What you have to ask yourself ultimately is this: Do you want to be dating a guy that isn’t proud of the catch he’s landed? If you’re in the right kind of relationship with the right person, they should be pretty psyched about telling everyone they know about their significant other. Trust me, I have to sit through hearing about it far too often with all of the happy romantics that I know. If he can’t demonstrate that you’re important enough to come out of the office closet for, maybe you need to move on. You deserve someone who isn’t afraid to say how lucky they are to be dating you. Ever consider leaving him for an advice columnist?

Good luck, sista!

Doug

Need advice? Please send any of your questions to vze32f5i@verizon.net

Q&A with Mike Doughty
by Bryan Shaffer
photos by Mike Litzinger, taken 10/06/00 at the Euclid Tavern in Cleveland, OH

It begins in back in 1992. “M. Doughty’s Soul Coughing” plays their first ever show at the Knitting Factory in New York City after only one rehearsal. They are shortly thereafter courted by several major labels, agreeing to terms with Slash/Warner Brothers. The band releases three full-length albums over the next eight years, before their demise in early 2000.

BS: Slash/Rhino just recently released a “Best of Soul Coughing” disc entitled Lust in Phaze. It seems this disc was released with your blessing, the insert is filled with commentary by you about each track. What was your initial reaction to the idea?

MD: I actually told the A&R woman from Rhino not to do it. I just didn't want to
delve into that stuff. Give me a dozen years and I'm sure I'll feel much more
easy about it. But it was hard for me.

BS: Are there any tracks on Lust in Phaze you thought shouldn’t have made the cut, or tracks you felt should have made it, but didn’t?

MD: I coproduced the record, so I pretty much chose them all. I would've like to
have shoehorned "Soft Serve" on there. There are lost versions--I'm a terrible
archivist--of "Sixteen Horses" and "How Many Cans" from the David Kahne Power
Station sessions that are, to me, unbelievably superior to the versions that
were released.

BS: Are there any specific Soul Coughing songs that you listen to now and dislike?

MD: I loathe "Disseminated." (That one was completely my idea, too--the central
sample and everything. Ugh.)

BS: I’ve been fortunate to see you perform both with and without Soul Coughing. Unfortunately the Soul Coughing show I saw was in mid August, late 1999, in Pittsburgh, shortly before the band officially broke up. While the concert was great, none of you looked like you were having much fun. On the other hand, every solo gig that I’ve attended you seem to be having a great time. How much more do you like playing alone?

MD: Much, much more. I've felt extremely unfulfilled artistically since the
mid-90's. Finally I'm doing something I really love.

BS: Every place I’ve seen you play solo at has been a pretty small venue (Maxwell‘s-Hoboken, North Star-Philly, Black Cat-DC), which seems to lend itself well to your ability to interact with the crowd. Do you prefer small venues over larger ones?

MD: I think a smallish theater is my favorite kind of venue. The woman's club
theater in Minneapolis, where I did the live record--that's like, I dunno, 450
people? I loved doing the Troubadour in LA on this last tour. Such an
historic room. I really like shows where the crowd is seated. I've gone VH1!

BS: Do you want to someday be a rock star in the sense that, like, would you be excited to see VH1’s “Behind the Music: Mike Doughty?”

MD: I'd love the money. I'd love to be so huge in the culture.  But I think the
attention is incredibly dismaying for the people who experience it.

BS: You’re a handsome man and somewhat of a celebrity. How are you doing with the ladies these days?

MD: Ha, I thank you. I have no girlfriend at the moment.

BS: I was just on Amazon.com and noticed that Slanky, your book of poetry, is for sale and is being published by Soft Skull Press, Inc. I thought Slanky was only for sale at the gigs?

MD: No, it's only in bookstores now. It's the same book, with a different cover.

BS: Amazon also describes you as “Cult poet and musician Mike Doughty” in the “book description” section. How do you feel about that?

MD: It's wonderful. It's a good, good life I have.

BS: Any info on upcoming Mike Doughty solo releases we should know about?

MD: Well, I've got the songs, at last, and I think I may have my collaborators,
and I'm talking to record companies. Trust me, i'm workin' on it : )

BS: You have 15 seconds, name five bands you listen to regularly and enjoy, GO.

MD: Magnetic Fields, Led Zeppelin, the classic John Coltrane Quartet, So Solid
Crew, Motley Crue (Too Fast for Love and Shout at the Devil-era--when Tommy
Lee was absolutely fixated on his cowbell. Seriously, there's a one-bar
cowbell break on like every other song on those two records. If I ever meet
him I'm totally going to ask him if it was he that loved the cowbell, or if,
for instance, Nikki Sixx was always cajoling him--"Come on, Tommy, let's have
another cowbell break on this song." "Aw, Nikki, not ANOTHER one?!")

Mike Doughty is performing the evening of August 15th at North Six – 66 North 6th Street, Brooklyn, NY – 718.599.5103 – www.northsix.com.
Tickets are $12.

Mike Doughty can be reached at www.superspecialquestions.com.