Wait! Advice
Is Internet Dating Pathetic?
by Doug Elmer

Dear Doug,

A question for you…am I pathetic because I’m thinking about putting a personal ad on the Internet? I’m 26, reasonably handsome, moderately successful, and can’t figure out how the hell I’m supposed to meet women. I’ve looked at some of the personals sites, and there seems to be some well put together ladies on there. Whaddaya think?

Dot-com Dater

Dear Dater,

First off, I’m sure you’re pathetic for a wide variety of reasons besides wanting to place a personal ad. So you haven’t become a master of picking up ladies in the bar/bookstore/grocery store scene? Well, placing an ad might not be such a bad idea. In the old days, personal ads in the newspaper were for the truly desperate, but online ads are easier to do and therefore well-rounded people like yourself turn to it as a viable dating option. But don’t just throw anything up on the first site you find, let me guide you through the ego-crushing process of placing a personal ad on the Internet.

First, forget the fact that you once had viable romantic and mating options in the real world. Done? Okay, good. Now, start looking for a site that sort of matches up with your interests. There are a few huge, all kinds of people sites like Yahoo! Personals and Match.com, and the upside of those is that there’s a lot of people joined up, so your odds of finding someone are better. Then there’s also quite a few niche dating sites, where people with something in common go to try their luck. Religion, occupation, political views, sexual fetish, whatever, I’m sure there’s a site tailor made for finding a date with another latex enthusiast like yourself. My personal recommendation for a personals site (not that a virile archetype of pure-maleness like myself needs an ad) is nerve.com. Nerve has a lot of feeder sites like salon.com and The Onion that attract younger, more sophisticated people to swallow their pride and post an ad. It’s pretty big, and it’s probably the kind of crowd you’re looking for.

So you’ve found the site, now you need to create the ad. A few tips that I—er, my friends that have to post an ad have told me. First off, make sure you put a picture on your ad. No matter how interesting you sound in your ad, no one is going to risk the fact that you look like Frankenstein or Michael Jackson. Scan something or find a friend with a digital camera if you don’t own one. Next, try not to be cliché. Be yourself, tell people what you’re about, and mention how rich and well endowed you are. It’ll work like a charm.

Also, you might want to tweak your ad a bit every week or so because a lot of the search engines for the ads displays them based on how recently they’ve been added to or edited. Now it’s time to cruise the other ads. First off, you’re going to have to pay for the service. Unfortunately, the male chauvinist rules of real world dating have followed romance into the cyber-ether, and the ladies expect you to pay for the privilege of writing to them. Most of the sites allow you to post an ad for free, but either pay a monthly rate or buy credits to write to someone you like. Depending on the size of the site and your geographic location, you’ll either have slim pickins’ or a bevy of online beauties to choose from. It’s probably a good idea to try to narrow it down somehow. Most sites let you filter out singles with kids, singles that smoke or drink, particular religions or ethnicities, and things like that. Narrow it down to your “type”, and if no one meets your high standards, Mr. I’m-so-picky-but-I-need-to-get-dates-on-the-Internet, lower your standards. Keep your chin up too, because if you’re still feeling like a loser for posting an ad, remember that they put one up too. Also, if they don’t have a picture, you’ll probably want to ask for one when you write to them. Shallowness works both ways, right? Also, as the guy, as you start corresponding with people, you should be the one to give out the phone number and let her call you. Girls have to worry about psychos and stalkers, whereas guys kinda like being stalked, it makes them feel important.

Now you’re ready for your big self-imposed blind date. A few more suggestions. Meet somewhere IN PUBLIC lest you get a date fresh out of the loony bin or Denise turns out to be Dennis in real life. Be prepared for someone to not be as cool as they seemed when they had to describe themselves in 100 words, as people tend to leave out the bad parts of their personalities when they’re selling themselves. Wear clean underwear, and wear a jacket with an inside pocket so you don’t crush your condom in your wallet.

So that’s that. Go get ‘em tiger!

Good luck!

Doug

Need advice? Please send any of your questions to vze32f5i@verizon.net

September 03, 2002 06:03 PM